let's get to know each other 😬
Discover more from Wandering the Grey
It's embarrassing to admit out loud, but several months ago, I was obsessed with the idea of building a "newsletter empire" here. I checked my subscriber stats way too often. Each time I peeked, my skin itched for the next round number like a comfortable jacket that would keep me warm. When I woke up to unexpected good news—(more subscribers, 😌!), I'd savor that sweet dollop of dopamine. Mmm I’m good at this. But whenever someone unsubscribed, I'd groan from the gut-punch😩. OK maybe not that good, actually.
My logical brain knows that people have to unsubscribe for their sanity. Newsletter overload is a real pain. Sometimes, it's just not the right fit. Nobody wants more bad mail. So you have to prune whatever doesn't bring joy. I know these truths but my lizard, creator brain still felt awful whenever I got those unsubscribe emails.
These days, I rarely check subscriber stats. Because I know they’re a bad proxy for what I really care about. Subscriber numbers are one-dimensional. They can never depict the intangible joys I feel when a reader GETS ME. They can’t capture my smile when someone tells me in real life they read my stuff and loved it.
My favorite part of writing this newsletter has been connecting with YOU. I've made many internet friends—fellow writers, trusty readers, unofficial mentors, people I'm sure I'd have a great beer with. No two readers are the same. We have the silent lurkers who read every word but never comment. Those that reply to every email. The skimmers. The sharers. Those that understandbly read when they have the time. Those that send me encouraging words. I'm grateful for all of you.
But I keep thinking we've only skimmed the surface here in terms of connections. Each of our reader-writer conversations is like a distinct balloon, floating high and beautiful in its own right. But so far, these balloons have floated in isolation—in the comments, I’m talking to one reader one on one—but you don’t know each other. And I don’t know a lot of you yet.
I dream of a buoyant bouquet of balloons where the blues blend with the reds and the threads intermingle with each other. I want this space to accommodate serendipitous connections. Can we get to know each other?
Remember, there are many hundreds of us here. It blows my mind to think about the combined wealth of experience and perspective in this community. Our timezones span the planet. Subscribers from sixty-something countries on every continent.
Twenty Minutes with Tobi update
A few weeks ago, I opened up my calendar for my Twenty Minutes with Tobi series. I thought one or two would book calls but I ended up hosting fifteen calls with people from Melbourne to Mumbai. Someone in Australia woke up at 4am their time to chat with me. (Honestly still baffled and grateful in equal measure🥹). Every single call blew past the allotted time slot.
I talked to people in all seasons—starting afresh, uprooting, planting, doubling down, grieving, reminiscing, exploring. The calls were agenda-less by design and we let curiosity drive our conversations. Since I write about travel and sabbaticals, callers often gravitated towards those topics.
But even as we ventured into familiar territory, I sensed a palpable undercurrent, a longing for something more than casual conversation. Very often, the caller and I broke through the icy chalice of a virtual Zoom rom and shared a vulnerable truth with each other. A dream that isn’t likely to be realized. A shared fear about the future. The feeling of angst while waiting for an uncertain reward.
While we often shared tidbits from the dark corners of our hearts, I was struck by the steely resilience that shone through each dialogue. The sheer courage to dare to push through in spite of fear. The audacity to feel and dream without being drowned out by society’s voices. Visceral hope knocking down the doors and demanding to be listened to.
I…did not expect any of this. I thought people might ask me why I hate on paella so much and we’d have lighthearted conversations about the silly stuff. And we did, but this depth of conversation spoke so loud and clear to me. We talked about divorce, deferred dreams, and the danger of not taking risks. This experiment revealed an obvious, universal truth—people want to connect!
Let’s be friends?
So I want to start a new tradition here. I'll leave this post pinned forever on my newsletter as an "Introductions Wall". My dream is for you to introduce yourself in the comments section and start to meet each other organically.
Little by little, I hope small spontaneous connections start to form like bubbles in a brewing pot. Maybe someone mentions they're in Barcelona and another reader recommends a local favorite cafe to them. Or someone says they're looking for a kind of job and a recruiter responds in the comments. Stranger things have happened…
To get this party started, I'll share a prompt and tag some Substack friends to go first. I know sometimes it’s intimidating to be the first to share in a public space. So maybe my Substack buddies can light up the space first then others can respond as they feel comfortable. I’ll answer in the comments too.
OK here’s the prompt:
Who are you? What season are you in your life? What popular food do you despise? Where is home for you? Is there a place you’ve never been to but feel like you belong? What brought you here? What are you currently procrastinating on?
Substack friends—
, ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , — could you do me in the honours and answer in the comments?Thank you all so much for your support of this newsletter so far!
In case you missed it:
I'm opening up some time on my calendar for paid calls because a lot of people have reached out to ask about sabbaticals, golden handcuffs, and leaving tech. I've had 30+ of these conversations and would love to support you if you’re curious.
let's get to know each other 😬
Hey Substack friends:
Who are you?
- I’m C.A. Green, an Orthodox Jew steeped in movie references and previous LSD trips. It’s been 8 years, 1 marriage, and 3 kids since I last took acid and I’m still reeling from finding G-d and integrating Him in my life. I’m a ball of uncertainty and trust, more questions than answers, and a dreamer with roots in responsibility.
What season are you in your life?
- It feels like fall. Everything is kind of dying but not in a depressing way. It’s more like it’s dropping leaves of my past and shedding colors from days bygone. Winter is coming but I’m hoping that the steely white and gray will come across distinguished and not death like.
What popular food do you despise?
- Corn. This is one of the craziest things that I hate, but I can’t stand the color, smell, taste, and the fact that it comes out whole. You know what I mean.
Where is home for you?
- Home is where my family is. It’s a feeling, a fleeting feeling of being comfortable enough to take off my socks and put my feet up, regardless of if I’ve trimmed my nails or not. We live in NJ but we’ve lived in 4 different places in the last 5 years so where’s home? Wherever we hang up our mezuzahs.
Is there a place you’ve never been to but feel like you belong?
- This is more of an ethereal place. I don’t think there’s a physical place that I can relate to with this but I’m still looking for my ‘place’ in the world. I want to fit in with my whole self but that could be under a rock, in an alcove, or somewhere in the stars. Location TBD.
What brought you here?
- I want to continue to express my creativity through writing, through work, through conversation, and through exploration. I want to be connected to like minded individuals who want to grow into better people, better writers, better artists, and better overall.
What are you currently procrastinating on?
- Writing everyday. I’m looking for work to support my family and have benefits but I also want to write everyday to get better at what I’m doing here, on Substack. I want to have my writing pay the bills but I’m secretly lazy (self talk needs improvement too) and I have to push myself to get my thoughts into formulated sentences that convince you to pay me.
Hiii Tobi. Funny, I'm also a Tobi - Oluwatobi. Although nobody calls me that, it's sitting pretty on my birth certificate.
I'm Jesugbemi Adedeji, a psychology student and a writer. Substack is my baby, I hope to make explore ideas and make friends with it. Usually, I'm interested in many things at a time but right now, I want to delve into screenwriting, comic script writing and data visualisation.
This season of my life I'm trying to do whatever I can do because apparently I'm still young and I maybe won't have the time and energy to do so down the line. I'm trying out quite a number of things and I hope something sticks.
I'm not much of a food person but I think Jollof Rice is... overhyped. Not overhyped per se, but many people make Jollof Rice the sole 'food personality' of Nigerians.
Home is Ibadan, Nigeria because I have lived there all my life. It is usually associated with brown roofs - which points to how ancient the city is...
I think I belong somewhere random in Europe...
There's this thing I do where after I complete a movie, I scroll through the credits looking for a Nigerian name. When I do find a name, the excitement I feel is unmatched. That's how I found you... well not quite. One of my Substack friends plugged in your article published on Every, and I was "Ouu, Nigerian name! I must read and stalk this interesting fellow!" I desire to travel and experience somewhere other than my home and just seeing someone who bears my name do it sparks hope in me.
I'm procrastinating on finishing a SEO course, and writing a short story.