My autocorrect is trapped in a bloody battle between two warring worlds. On my phone, spellcheck holds a torch and melts those extra ‘u’s away, earning applause from the American aisle. But on my laptop, those words snap back in shape prim and proper like a British professor. And with my countrymen? I tell my stories in Nigerian Pidgin, where everything is hilarious by default.
Thank you for sharing this Tobi 🙏 to say that reading this has been timely for me is an understatement. Your question inspired me to answer right away.
My idea of home has changed so much over the last 2 years, with major life changes, career changes etc. But, this idea has evolved exponentially over the last few weeks. Due to a recent spinal injury, (I’m very lucky & will make a full recovery), home over the last month has been many different places. Physically and mentally. Starting with a remote pine forest, high up in the Spanish Pyrenees where I crash landed my paraglider 4 weeks ago. Waiting and hoping for a helicopter rescue surrounded by the stillness, smells and beautiful bird song of the forest is vivid now as if it was an hour ago. Then hospitals including 2 weeks in Zaragoza, Spain. The kindest, most compassionate people cared for me. A repatriation via Barcelona with one of my best friends shrunk my idea of home even smaller as I relied on and trusted the kindness of strangers to keep me safe in their train carriages, their taxis and their aeroplane cabin. It wasn’t home in the traditional sense but I felt cared for and looked after. I also felt immensely humbled & grateful for the kindness and equanimity of these new temporary ‘house-mates’. I know they were professionals and doing their job but I strongly felt their humanity shine through.
For the last 2 weeks I’ve been staying in the loving homes of various family and friends in the south east of England.
My idea of home right now is the present moment. Being present, being in the moment, whether that’s with our loved ones, or strangers or just with ourselves in nature. Keeping present is healing, humbling and life affirming. That for me is home. ❤️
Thank you for sharing such a profound story with me. Glad you're on track for a full recovery!
Your story gives a whole new dimension to the concept of home. I'm moved by the focus on the present moment, instead of longing for previous moments we cherish or future times we hope to inhabit. All we really ever have is the present, and even though we know this, it's so easy to spend forever in thought loops. I know I'm guilty of this. There's something very beautiful about seeing the humanity of "house-mates" as you call them in your case, but that also brings to mind, the "space-mates", whoever we're with in the present moment.
Do you think your idea of home (this focus on presence) will change in the future, even as circumstances change as you recover?
Thank you Tobi. Yes, “space-mates” is a lovely term. I like that idea :) I’m glad you understood what I was thinking.
I think my idea of ‘home’ may change but keeping it focused on the present feels right to me. I’ve always known that being more present is beneficial on many levels. But now and since my accident I’ve been ‘in the present’ more than anytime in my life. It has helped heal me. It has been life-affirming and brought me closer to those around me.
Home is a question for me with my sis ALSO in NJ, parents in Aus, bro/his gf and I in London but growing up in Penang, Malaysia and spending teens in Aus
"instead of wading through options like a multiple-choice exam, perhaps I should embrace the beauty of the feeling when it arrives. Home is to be felt and cherished, not intellectualized about." what a wonderful end to the piece
Thank piece on the bank teller is WILD - oh a snake did eat the money 🙄😒🤪
I agree with you about home being a feeling.
This line stood out to me “Home is to be felt and cherished, not intellectualized about.”
I travel a lot and realize home to me is my husband. We bounce around for work and every time we pack up an apartment to resettle in a new place it always feels like home as long as he’s there.
in my magazine i wrote this line i feel you would resonate with:
home (noun)
mythical place that wanderers lust and long after. often confused with your birth city or place where your luggage sleeps. an intimate, under-the-skin feeling that warms from within.
haha yeah the thing about the snake story is the audacity! They could've chosen any other silly story but they chose that one because they don't rate us 😭
I love your line about your husband being home, that's very cute. last year, i travelled a lot and tried to keep little routines in each new place to ground me (didn't always work though!)
I feel this! I’ve been on a sabbatical for the past 13ish months after a tech layoff, and this also makes me think of all the places I’ve traveled to and all the “homes” I’ve found along the way. The places I’ve resonated with most honestly haven’t been the places I’ve expected — they’re actually places I almost didn’t end up in, but happened to build an amazing community of people in once I was there. I just wrapped up 3 months in Nepal and literally cried when I left because of the amazing people I couldn’t bear to fly away from. It’s really made me think about what I call “home” if/when I repatriate, and how the actual location matters much less than the community you build around you.
totally feel you, (side note i love the name of your newsletter haha.) I hear you about the unexpected homes, I struggled to leave Cordoba in Spain, not so much because of the people but the vibe of the town resonated so much with my spirit at the time. Calm, warm, slow, citrusy, wooden vibes. But to your point, I wish I spent more time trying to build community last year when I was traveling. I did when I was in Barcelona which made leaving that much harder!
Community has been special! I look back and almost feel like I had “mini lives” in so many of these places. I skipped over Córdoba when I was in Spain though, now you’re making me regret it. 😮💨
I think once you have lived abroad you forever yearn for a floating island home, that incorporates the best of all the places you have lived in. You are probably correct - you have to take it with you.
Exactly, you're so right. I wish I could blend all the best bits from all my favorite places and I'd move there immediately. But I also think that certain places "expire". They're right for a certain season in your life and then if you move back, it doesn't quite feel right. Maybe you've outgrown certain sensibilities or you've grown to expect other things that are at odds with the local culture. So I guess everywhere has its tradeoffs :(
Really enjoyed this Tobi! I know what you mean about the London winter. It’s pretty grim. Just grey really. Although this year we sit here in October and it’s hot! This doesn’t feel right.
I hope I will be able to shut up about how vivid your writing has become.
Now I can put into words why I subscribed to your writings, despite the earlier ones being a bit flat in their delivery but I must have gravitated to what lay underneath, now it has blossomed.
How has your idea of home changed over the years?
Thank you for sharing this Tobi 🙏 to say that reading this has been timely for me is an understatement. Your question inspired me to answer right away.
My idea of home has changed so much over the last 2 years, with major life changes, career changes etc. But, this idea has evolved exponentially over the last few weeks. Due to a recent spinal injury, (I’m very lucky & will make a full recovery), home over the last month has been many different places. Physically and mentally. Starting with a remote pine forest, high up in the Spanish Pyrenees where I crash landed my paraglider 4 weeks ago. Waiting and hoping for a helicopter rescue surrounded by the stillness, smells and beautiful bird song of the forest is vivid now as if it was an hour ago. Then hospitals including 2 weeks in Zaragoza, Spain. The kindest, most compassionate people cared for me. A repatriation via Barcelona with one of my best friends shrunk my idea of home even smaller as I relied on and trusted the kindness of strangers to keep me safe in their train carriages, their taxis and their aeroplane cabin. It wasn’t home in the traditional sense but I felt cared for and looked after. I also felt immensely humbled & grateful for the kindness and equanimity of these new temporary ‘house-mates’. I know they were professionals and doing their job but I strongly felt their humanity shine through.
For the last 2 weeks I’ve been staying in the loving homes of various family and friends in the south east of England.
My idea of home right now is the present moment. Being present, being in the moment, whether that’s with our loved ones, or strangers or just with ourselves in nature. Keeping present is healing, humbling and life affirming. That for me is home. ❤️
Thank you for sharing such a profound story with me. Glad you're on track for a full recovery!
Your story gives a whole new dimension to the concept of home. I'm moved by the focus on the present moment, instead of longing for previous moments we cherish or future times we hope to inhabit. All we really ever have is the present, and even though we know this, it's so easy to spend forever in thought loops. I know I'm guilty of this. There's something very beautiful about seeing the humanity of "house-mates" as you call them in your case, but that also brings to mind, the "space-mates", whoever we're with in the present moment.
Do you think your idea of home (this focus on presence) will change in the future, even as circumstances change as you recover?
Thank you Tobi. Yes, “space-mates” is a lovely term. I like that idea :) I’m glad you understood what I was thinking.
I think my idea of ‘home’ may change but keeping it focused on the present feels right to me. I’ve always known that being more present is beneficial on many levels. But now and since my accident I’ve been ‘in the present’ more than anytime in my life. It has helped heal me. It has been life-affirming and brought me closer to those around me.
I loveeed and sooo related to this!
Home is a question for me with my sis ALSO in NJ, parents in Aus, bro/his gf and I in London but growing up in Penang, Malaysia and spending teens in Aus
"instead of wading through options like a multiple-choice exam, perhaps I should embrace the beauty of the feeling when it arrives. Home is to be felt and cherished, not intellectualized about." what a wonderful end to the piece
Thanks Caryn! I thought you might relate well with this one! Have you written anything about what home means for you?
I don't think I have - good encouragement to!
let me know when you do :p
Hi Tobi! I loved this piece on home and am so happy to have found you here. I am on a similar journey having left a high paying corporate career to pursue something more creative and true to me. I recently wrote about home as well (before I was on Substack) and am still playing around with these ideas of people, place and purpose. I totally agree that it doesn’t have to be just one place. https://www.linkedin.com/posts/kristispence_cominghome-findinghome-home-activity-7186347715075674113-VlX_?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios
I really enjoyed this, thank you for sharing.
Thank piece on the bank teller is WILD - oh a snake did eat the money 🙄😒🤪
I agree with you about home being a feeling.
This line stood out to me “Home is to be felt and cherished, not intellectualized about.”
I travel a lot and realize home to me is my husband. We bounce around for work and every time we pack up an apartment to resettle in a new place it always feels like home as long as he’s there.
in my magazine i wrote this line i feel you would resonate with:
home (noun)
mythical place that wanderers lust and long after. often confused with your birth city or place where your luggage sleeps. an intimate, under-the-skin feeling that warms from within.
haha yeah the thing about the snake story is the audacity! They could've chosen any other silly story but they chose that one because they don't rate us 😭
I love your line about your husband being home, that's very cute. last year, i travelled a lot and tried to keep little routines in each new place to ground me (didn't always work though!)
I feel this! I’ve been on a sabbatical for the past 13ish months after a tech layoff, and this also makes me think of all the places I’ve traveled to and all the “homes” I’ve found along the way. The places I’ve resonated with most honestly haven’t been the places I’ve expected — they’re actually places I almost didn’t end up in, but happened to build an amazing community of people in once I was there. I just wrapped up 3 months in Nepal and literally cried when I left because of the amazing people I couldn’t bear to fly away from. It’s really made me think about what I call “home” if/when I repatriate, and how the actual location matters much less than the community you build around you.
totally feel you, (side note i love the name of your newsletter haha.) I hear you about the unexpected homes, I struggled to leave Cordoba in Spain, not so much because of the people but the vibe of the town resonated so much with my spirit at the time. Calm, warm, slow, citrusy, wooden vibes. But to your point, I wish I spent more time trying to build community last year when I was traveling. I did when I was in Barcelona which made leaving that much harder!
Community has been special! I look back and almost feel like I had “mini lives” in so many of these places. I skipped over Córdoba when I was in Spain though, now you’re making me regret it. 😮💨
yeahhh honestly Cordoba was incredible honestly it's possibly because I found an incredible Airbnb, I wrote about it here https://www.tobiwrites.com/p/calm-in-cordoba
Add it to your next trip!
I think once you have lived abroad you forever yearn for a floating island home, that incorporates the best of all the places you have lived in. You are probably correct - you have to take it with you.
I love the images your writing conjures up.
Exactly, you're so right. I wish I could blend all the best bits from all my favorite places and I'd move there immediately. But I also think that certain places "expire". They're right for a certain season in your life and then if you move back, it doesn't quite feel right. Maybe you've outgrown certain sensibilities or you've grown to expect other things that are at odds with the local culture. So I guess everywhere has its tradeoffs :(
Thank you for the compliment :)
Really enjoyed this Tobi! I know what you mean about the London winter. It’s pretty grim. Just grey really. Although this year we sit here in October and it’s hot! This doesn’t feel right.
thanks Martin, haha I guess we have climate change to thank for the long-lasting sun? Enjoy it while it lasts!
I hope I will be able to shut up about how vivid your writing has become.
Now I can put into words why I subscribed to your writings, despite the earlier ones being a bit flat in their delivery but I must have gravitated to what lay underneath, now it has blossomed.
Thank you.
I'm glad you're enjoying the essays Ozone :)
Beautiful and poignant Tobi. Your writing sings. Home is a melange (so apt) of feelings and they evolve as we breathe, move and live.
We are blessed to be able to travel and express how those feelings make us feel.
Pop to Zaragoza for a shimmy next time you visit Spain ;)
Adding "Your writing sings" to my list of favorite reader compliments. Thank you :) Definitely agree we are blessed.
Oooh Zaragoza, I didn't even consider it last time. Spain has so many gems. What's it like?