Lie to me—assume a different name and personality, tell me you’re visiting from another city, test-run that fake French accent you practice when you’re alone.
"some bits are sweeter than others, some zones are hotter to the touch" Heck. Yes. Admittedly, there are aspects of our living that act as shorthand to explain who we might be and what we could offer to the world, but it still sucks that a reputation like that must precede the invitation to know the guy-behind-the-guy. Even without the introduction, dare we dream that the first question out of our conversational partner's mouth isn't "So what do you do?" I love your invitation to catapult out of left field with a bag of bullshit, just to mix things up. It's been a better part of five years since I've choked through a networking event, but if I find myself in one again, you better believe I'm taking your advice!
love the "dare we dream" prefix to that question. sigh, I hope we can find other ways to introduce oruselves. I know sometimes there isn't any bad intention behind the "what do you do" question. but in this setting, it was so clear that it was all about playing status games I didn't care about.
haha five years since a networking event?? that's an eternity, I love it. how would you introduce yourself if you find yourself at one?
I could feel your discomfort in this piece, Tobi. Ugh! Aside from asking people to fib (lol) what did you take away from that experience that you'll use the next time you're hosting?
Your experience reminded me of a couple of things, first, this episode of the Ezra Klein show called "If You're Reading This, You're Probably WEIRD" about our shared Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic tendency to build relationships leading with our individual attributes, like you were saying about your friend introducing everyone by their accomplishments. It was a great listen! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ezra-klein-show/id1548604447?i=1000614576551
Second, have you read The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker? She is fascinating and has so many tips on ways to gather in more meaningful, purpose-filled ways. I've been dying to try some of her techniques. A few highlights for me:
1. A few days before a party, ask guests to privately share something about themselves with you before the event that you can use as an intro to the group
2. Provide an unexpected prompt that gets people to open up, as much or as little as they want, when introducing themselves
3. Host a themed party that can be as seemingly silly as a "tomato party to celebrate my backyard harvest" or whatever.
haha the fibbing is my style because I like to play around, I mean eventually I'll confess that I'm kidding and we can all be friends again. next time I'm hosting, what will I do hmmm depends how mischievous I'm feeling. if it's an intimate setting, I might create fake profiles of everyone on little sheets of paper and have people vote who they think the profiles describe. of course, this only works if they're harmless, playful descriptions.
ok in all seriousness, I might just say their name and how I met them. and usually, that's enough of an opener to let other guests take things from there. I might shepherd the conversation a little bit then disappear once the two people are vibing.
Thanks for sending those resources! I'm not aware of them but the WEIRD thing makes sense. I have done the prompt thing (#2) via drinking card games but that's usually a "let's get closer" type question not an introduction per se. but yeah I've had great success with those kinds of questions. especially for the toxic oversharers in the group :) but I also make the effort to keep the more private people feeling ok so they don't feel pressured to share beyond their comfort levels
"some bits are sweeter than others, some zones are hotter to the touch" Heck. Yes. Admittedly, there are aspects of our living that act as shorthand to explain who we might be and what we could offer to the world, but it still sucks that a reputation like that must precede the invitation to know the guy-behind-the-guy. Even without the introduction, dare we dream that the first question out of our conversational partner's mouth isn't "So what do you do?" I love your invitation to catapult out of left field with a bag of bullshit, just to mix things up. It's been a better part of five years since I've choked through a networking event, but if I find myself in one again, you better believe I'm taking your advice!
love the "dare we dream" prefix to that question. sigh, I hope we can find other ways to introduce oruselves. I know sometimes there isn't any bad intention behind the "what do you do" question. but in this setting, it was so clear that it was all about playing status games I didn't care about.
haha five years since a networking event?? that's an eternity, I love it. how would you introduce yourself if you find yourself at one?
I could feel your discomfort in this piece, Tobi. Ugh! Aside from asking people to fib (lol) what did you take away from that experience that you'll use the next time you're hosting?
Your experience reminded me of a couple of things, first, this episode of the Ezra Klein show called "If You're Reading This, You're Probably WEIRD" about our shared Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic tendency to build relationships leading with our individual attributes, like you were saying about your friend introducing everyone by their accomplishments. It was a great listen! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ezra-klein-show/id1548604447?i=1000614576551
Second, have you read The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker? She is fascinating and has so many tips on ways to gather in more meaningful, purpose-filled ways. I've been dying to try some of her techniques. A few highlights for me:
1. A few days before a party, ask guests to privately share something about themselves with you before the event that you can use as an intro to the group
2. Provide an unexpected prompt that gets people to open up, as much or as little as they want, when introducing themselves
3. Host a themed party that can be as seemingly silly as a "tomato party to celebrate my backyard harvest" or whatever.
https://www.priyaparker.com/book-art-of-gathering
Thanks for sharing this story, I hope we can all be better hosts for it!
haha the fibbing is my style because I like to play around, I mean eventually I'll confess that I'm kidding and we can all be friends again. next time I'm hosting, what will I do hmmm depends how mischievous I'm feeling. if it's an intimate setting, I might create fake profiles of everyone on little sheets of paper and have people vote who they think the profiles describe. of course, this only works if they're harmless, playful descriptions.
ok in all seriousness, I might just say their name and how I met them. and usually, that's enough of an opener to let other guests take things from there. I might shepherd the conversation a little bit then disappear once the two people are vibing.
Thanks for sending those resources! I'm not aware of them but the WEIRD thing makes sense. I have done the prompt thing (#2) via drinking card games but that's usually a "let's get closer" type question not an introduction per se. but yeah I've had great success with those kinds of questions. especially for the toxic oversharers in the group :) but I also make the effort to keep the more private people feeling ok so they don't feel pressured to share beyond their comfort levels