Last week, I found Katie O'Connell’s Tinier Desk newsletter where she shares art in progress. She makes music and releases snippets to her readers. Like this song where she sings beautifully about springtime. I LOVE this idea of unveiling the creative process.
Vid makes it even more personal... hell yes for putting your actual SELF out there! And this line: "But that on-again-off-again fella? That guy fractures the trust you have in your own flesh" freaking love it!!
thank youuu! yeah I'm not sure why I made video out to be this crazy hard thing when it's actually quite low effort and feels more personal for the reader. I'm gonna do more video :)
I love this! I loved what you said at the beginning and the end about perfectionism. It’s nice to see the behind the scenes thoughts and is such a cool way to experiment with video. The piece is already beautifully written as is too.
Multi-media projects are always an interesting challenge to take on. I've also dabbled in video editing recently, and I'm always surprised by how hard the easiest effects are. As someone who used to want to make a YouTube channel but deleted everything and then unlisted the rest in two false starts, I can completely understand the intense embarrassment that looking at past works can be, and the elevated expectations we force our work into, knowing that its shape won't fit the mold. Someone told me once that if I feel odd about the old pieces I made, that was because I knew better now, and not to destroy my progress, even if it seemed clumsy or terrible. Nowadays, I think I can understand that feeling more deeply. I finished editing a video for my friends and I can't stop rewatching it, because somehow, it has some kind of endearing amateurism about it, in the lag between the audio and the video and the clumsy transitions between different clips, and it's undeniably my own work. I also can't stand hearing my own voice, but in the context of others it sounds undeniably different.
Your metaphor about pain as a toxic relationship is brilliant. Everyone who's ever sprained anything ever understands the uncertainty of having faith in your body, since nobody knows how you feel except for yourself, and even then you can't see what's going on under the skin. I was raised to always rub my sprains until they hurt even more, because that meant the blood circulation would raise, aligning the muscles the right way, accelerating healing. It's another mechanism to get the relationship over with faster. It's so unique because pain is good for us, it tells us not to hurt ourselves further, but at the same time it's a bother in every moment until it's gone. There's a kind of perverse romanticism in that altruistic internal betrayal.
I completely relate to the idea of watching your old work and feeling embarrassed. When I read my old essays, I see all the things that aren't quite right. Turns of phrases that are exaggerated. Paragraphs missing transitions or connection points. Sentences that need one more round of editing. But yes, you're right, that's growth. Wouldn't it be weird if I didn't improve? Makes me wonder what "mistakes" I'm making now that future Tobi will find tough to overlook. But I swore not to let perfectionism stop me from publishing. As long as I'm having fun and creating and putting stuff out there, I think it's fine.
Wow, I never heard of rubbing sprains until they hurt more, but I've definitely heard about how circulation helps healing. I tried to walk and cycle while my ankle refused to play ball. I love your description of "perverse romanticism in that altruistic internal betrayal". That's so lovely to read!
Vid makes it even more personal... hell yes for putting your actual SELF out there! And this line: "But that on-again-off-again fella? That guy fractures the trust you have in your own flesh" freaking love it!!
thank youuu! yeah I'm not sure why I made video out to be this crazy hard thing when it's actually quite low effort and feels more personal for the reader. I'm gonna do more video :)
PLEASE do!!
Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing, Tobi.
thanks for the inspiration Katie!
I love this! I loved what you said at the beginning and the end about perfectionism. It’s nice to see the behind the scenes thoughts and is such a cool way to experiment with video. The piece is already beautifully written as is too.
yes, yes, death to perfectionism. waiting for your own videos next!
This was great. Beautiful sentences, and the idea behind it is quite sensible and interesting.
thank you Andrei, excited to see your own video next :)
Multi-media projects are always an interesting challenge to take on. I've also dabbled in video editing recently, and I'm always surprised by how hard the easiest effects are. As someone who used to want to make a YouTube channel but deleted everything and then unlisted the rest in two false starts, I can completely understand the intense embarrassment that looking at past works can be, and the elevated expectations we force our work into, knowing that its shape won't fit the mold. Someone told me once that if I feel odd about the old pieces I made, that was because I knew better now, and not to destroy my progress, even if it seemed clumsy or terrible. Nowadays, I think I can understand that feeling more deeply. I finished editing a video for my friends and I can't stop rewatching it, because somehow, it has some kind of endearing amateurism about it, in the lag between the audio and the video and the clumsy transitions between different clips, and it's undeniably my own work. I also can't stand hearing my own voice, but in the context of others it sounds undeniably different.
Your metaphor about pain as a toxic relationship is brilliant. Everyone who's ever sprained anything ever understands the uncertainty of having faith in your body, since nobody knows how you feel except for yourself, and even then you can't see what's going on under the skin. I was raised to always rub my sprains until they hurt even more, because that meant the blood circulation would raise, aligning the muscles the right way, accelerating healing. It's another mechanism to get the relationship over with faster. It's so unique because pain is good for us, it tells us not to hurt ourselves further, but at the same time it's a bother in every moment until it's gone. There's a kind of perverse romanticism in that altruistic internal betrayal.
Good stuff.
I completely relate to the idea of watching your old work and feeling embarrassed. When I read my old essays, I see all the things that aren't quite right. Turns of phrases that are exaggerated. Paragraphs missing transitions or connection points. Sentences that need one more round of editing. But yes, you're right, that's growth. Wouldn't it be weird if I didn't improve? Makes me wonder what "mistakes" I'm making now that future Tobi will find tough to overlook. But I swore not to let perfectionism stop me from publishing. As long as I'm having fun and creating and putting stuff out there, I think it's fine.
Wow, I never heard of rubbing sprains until they hurt more, but I've definitely heard about how circulation helps healing. I tried to walk and cycle while my ankle refused to play ball. I love your description of "perverse romanticism in that altruistic internal betrayal". That's so lovely to read!