Between the two, it’s option B hands down. But I wish there were an option C, where, over the course of 6 (or more) roller coaster-intense relationships, you can likely hit an ecstatic 10+ or you can be in hell with a -5. That’s what I’d go for. :)
I feel like I’m in the box with Schrödinger's cat and I want the secret third option. Which is maybe that A starts out like B, meanders from 8/10 down to 4 or 5/10 when you’re not sure it’s right, but goes back up to 8/10+ because you put in the hard work and that’s what bumps the happiness score. There’s also room for undisclosed, unrequited crushes in there, which are fabulously Spotify playlist inducing if not torturously tragic.
Very interesting question. I definitely don’t know immediately but I feel as though some people are strongly A or B. I feel like B is probably most like real like. We have these relationships that are pretty great but for whatever reason aren’t meant to last forever. I think I want to choose A because the idea of stability at this point in my life seems nice, but forever does feel so long. And I read somewhere that a 6 anything (partner, job, etc) is the worst because you don’t really like it but it’s not bad enough to leave. So maybe B.
Jul 16, 2023·edited Jul 16, 2023Liked by Tobi Ogunnaike
Oh. My. Well. After a 20-year relationship, I'm currently in the process of unchoosing A in hopes that there is a B (or better). It's painful, and there is a lot of fear and grief. But muddling through, going through the motions in a relationship that is "fine," but no longer nourishing or loving or connected seems, well, like giving away a lot of life. I have a small child so that makes the decision even more difficult. We worked hard to see if we could resurface the things that brought us together in the first place, to reignite our connection. But the truth is, we are different people now than we were when we met and that connection we once had is not deep enough to hold us. I don't even know if I would give it a 6/10 most days. The thing that gives me pause on the decision - and that is probably true of others who choose A - is fear. I must continually remind myself and renew faith that I am letting go of this relationship in order to make space for one that is loving, mutually adoring, and a decent bit saucy and flirtatious. And that might mean I'm alone for a while. So I'm learning to be a better friend to myself the process. Thank you, Tobi, for this provocative piece. I've just discovered your work and it's quite timely for me.
Fascinating hypothetical conjecture... I think neither option tbh. I'd like to live life with an open mind and see what happens. There might not even be an option for what'll eventually happen should you open yourself up to the craziness of the universe.
Between the two, it’s option B hands down. But I wish there were an option C, where, over the course of 6 (or more) roller coaster-intense relationships, you can likely hit an ecstatic 10+ or you can be in hell with a -5. That’s what I’d go for. :)
Interesting, thought-provoking piece, Tobi.
I feel like I’m in the box with Schrödinger's cat and I want the secret third option. Which is maybe that A starts out like B, meanders from 8/10 down to 4 or 5/10 when you’re not sure it’s right, but goes back up to 8/10+ because you put in the hard work and that’s what bumps the happiness score. There’s also room for undisclosed, unrequited crushes in there, which are fabulously Spotify playlist inducing if not torturously tragic.
Very interesting question. I definitely don’t know immediately but I feel as though some people are strongly A or B. I feel like B is probably most like real like. We have these relationships that are pretty great but for whatever reason aren’t meant to last forever. I think I want to choose A because the idea of stability at this point in my life seems nice, but forever does feel so long. And I read somewhere that a 6 anything (partner, job, etc) is the worst because you don’t really like it but it’s not bad enough to leave. So maybe B.
Oh. My. Well. After a 20-year relationship, I'm currently in the process of unchoosing A in hopes that there is a B (or better). It's painful, and there is a lot of fear and grief. But muddling through, going through the motions in a relationship that is "fine," but no longer nourishing or loving or connected seems, well, like giving away a lot of life. I have a small child so that makes the decision even more difficult. We worked hard to see if we could resurface the things that brought us together in the first place, to reignite our connection. But the truth is, we are different people now than we were when we met and that connection we once had is not deep enough to hold us. I don't even know if I would give it a 6/10 most days. The thing that gives me pause on the decision - and that is probably true of others who choose A - is fear. I must continually remind myself and renew faith that I am letting go of this relationship in order to make space for one that is loving, mutually adoring, and a decent bit saucy and flirtatious. And that might mean I'm alone for a while. So I'm learning to be a better friend to myself the process. Thank you, Tobi, for this provocative piece. I've just discovered your work and it's quite timely for me.
Fascinating hypothetical conjecture... I think neither option tbh. I'd like to live life with an open mind and see what happens. There might not even be an option for what'll eventually happen should you open yourself up to the craziness of the universe.
Maybe I'm just a rebel, but I'm putting myself in the category of people that don't want to choose either of these!
I loved reading through your thoughts about it though!
who do you think are the people who stay in the 6/10?